Thursday, March 24, 2005

First off I don't believe in anything supernatural... But I am trying to break down classic barriers. Sooo I heard on Art Bell (actually Gearge Noori about this numerology) , that if you put an eight, the number eight just written on a peice of paper you will experience financial good fortune. Holy crap! i did it on a lark. Boom I get a call out of the blue from Just For Laughs in Montreal saying they got a residual check for me, then I get a gig on my way out to NC, and finally I get a call to headline Tommy T's last minute. Put a handwritten eight in your wallet bitches!...
Anyhow, I did a spot a Miyagi's last night after Godfry and tanked. Now normally I would beat myself half to death over this fact. However, he did thirty minutes of fart noises, and as much as I had a tough time I did weasel out some response by the end of the set.
Not to mention the sea of hotties that avoided eye contact later after that show. I think the best feeling was my friend and neighbor Lenny who pretty much told me I bit...but I didn't let it win.
I went out to Barneys and met a bunch of girls! Wee, they flirted, I flirted, and I felt great. It was strange and I was insecure, I thought I was boring and stiff, but I realized that I still had a little somethin:)
Soo, I will continue and see if I can't pull a little more charm down on me..
Talk to you soon...

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

I have had a breakthrough!

Eureka! I have discovered that when you get ready to leave, tons of opportunity will arrive. It's freakin weird how this universe spins.
When a shitstorm happens it drops big huge drops of, no money, fiancé is leavin, pimples, and rejection. But announce to the Universe that you quit, and you're not playing anymore, and all of the sudden people want you. I got three gigs in the last 24 hours, and a residual check for a show I taped five years ago... bizarre.
I had to do a clean show the other night in Nevada; it was a blast I think I might be getting hooked on not throwing the word Cunt around to spice up my banter.
By the way anyone ever notice the ratio of men to women in Vegas? It’s like 20 to one. I was there last weekend with my pals and the most action I got was from the astonished cleaning lady that I didn't hear her knocking even though I was fully erect and standing right in front of the door.

So my ex is dating another guy, lets all do some math, we were together for five years... we broke up two months ago and she is out dating...hmm I am starting to think that maybe, along with the imaginary affair she claims I had that maybe, just maybe, she wanted out of this relationship but didn't want to take the blame.
Well it doesn't matter because; it gave me the boost I needed to cut her loose, scary, but necessary. It was actually pretty easy when you step back and stop obsessing over the other guy stuffing his prick in your ex.
(which strangely doesn't bother near as much as them sitting and laughing together, that freaks me out.. But I also have these fantasies about him trying to be funny and failing miserably. I see him trying to muster up a lame self conscious joke, and it not working, then have her lean back and compare in her head the antics and humor I used to shoot at her, and much like an old lover with a huge dong, she'll pine for that full laughter feeling). Course in bed I'm sure she'll forget about me completely.

I'm off to Concord Cali this weekend to do a last minute gig. Got a busy couple weeks, and I'm really looking forward to going east soon. My website is on its way as well, and I'm starting to regain my confidence in alot of areas, it's strange how therapeutic being fuckin funny is...

Friday, March 11, 2005

Hmmm... So I am still living with my ex. This kinda blows, all the talk none of the sex.
I watched Ray last night and found myself jealous of a blind black man during Jim Crow in the south, what does that say about my self worth?
I am freakin tired! I need to sleep for like three days straight, but I can't cause somebody has to watch TV, and that person is me. I hate calling bookers.
I mean they seem nice enough, but it's hard to talk to the ones that don't care whether you live or die. (most of them) . I know many comics lament that the people that book comedy don't know comedy, I think there are too many of us thats why.
We should start weeding ourselves out, maybe by having duels.
If there was 50% less of us we would have a shitload more bargaining power. Soo that being said I challenge any and all headliners and strong features who are trying to headline to a duel. Choose your weapon, or if you prefer we can just slap each other till the other gives up or comes, which ever is more awkward.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Alas, I have a moment...
So here is the deal with my life.
#1 I am single for the first time in 5 years. I am both terrified as I have never been single and sober... I mean how am I supposed to meet anyone if they are not to drunk to realize the mistake they are making?
#2 I am moving away from Los Angeles, most likely to NYC, but I am taking a slow boat through my brothers place in Wilmington NC. Seriously I need to shake things up in my life and leave the saftey zone of LA.
#3 I am re-dedicating my life to become an awsome comic & incredible writer and performer. I will make all my goals as a one year away scenario as to not rush my progress but here are my goals;

- To be performing constantly and profitably accross the country in great clubs and rooms.
- To have completed two major scripts, and got them out to my friends in the industry. As well as use the scripts as a calling card for a new Lit agent.
- To complete one new course in Acting, or sketch just to learn a skill and a little humility.
- To stay very fit, not just so I can have lots of great single sex, but to be healthy & happy.
- To organize a charity benefit, for either healthcare, homelessness or depression.
- To land a great PA agent, and do either Aspen or Montreal or Edinborough Fests in 2006.
- To find a really cool girl who likes to laugh, love and have sex more than once a week:)
- To help out as many people as I can without forgetting about my own needs.
- To put out a wicked comedy CD, and a great DVD as well as continue my line of hats...(TWAT brand..)
- To travel to three exotic places, two by myself and one with a new friend.
- To continue to realize that I am not very old and I need to live life to the fullest, now!

So those are my goals.. lame? a little, corny, you bet. But dammit I'm gonna make it work, and I'm gonna love the journey.

By the way, I just finished four weeks on the road where I sold 75 twat hats, rocked 90% of my shows and did really well the other 10%. I am in the best shape I've been in 5 years, and I have coping skills I never before possessed.

So lets just tempt fate and say, I think this coming year is going to be great:)

Will update as to progress....
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