Time to work...Dammit.

I keep getting distracted, now I'm not saying the lovely distractions available aren't good, but I need to put pen to pad and write.
In front of me I have a great deal of projects. Four feature film ideas, one which has a scene list created the rest just one pages; A one man show concept based on the idea of trying really hard to be average so as to be loved; About fifteen incredible juvenile jokes, and three possibly very insightful ones. Okay, so I think if I balance my time between watching TV, working out and dating, I should accomplish none of these...So what do I give up, sure its easy to say TV, but honestly I don't think its my foe, its the ladies, and its the gym. Soo, I think I will create a reward system for my hard work. If I write for two hours, I get two hours of dating, if I write for five hours I get a week. I'm not good at balance.

So did I listen correctly to the news conference last night? Bush is gonna make the rich collect less social security? Wow, I don't care. It's funny, I don't care about anything the goverment says or does anymore. I wonder why? I guess if they announced some policy with my name in it I might be interested, but then only casually, wow they passed the pete johansson can't rent cheerleader videos ammendment, well thats weird...

Okay these are a list of things I find less funny this week than last;
Puffins, oversized glasses, obesity, anal rape, the word'pickle' and allusions using the word sauce.
This is a list of things I find funnier this week than last; T-shirts that say "Damn seagulls"; norman rockwell pictures; small town commercials, allusions to come-upince, quarter-hard, the word weiner and finger-bang, fat babies and the rich sealing from the poor.

I am unchanged regarding the humor of Peanuts cartoons, and knock knock jokes.

If you can think of something funny about the dilemma of existence and the absurdity of life and can either form it as a riddle, limmerick or light-bulb joke I wold love to hear it, feel free to email me....

Weird...Weird...Weird....
OK, so I met this other girl in Wilmington, also too young, but really cool none the less. Very pretty, very sweet but this underside of pent up youthful frustration that I so long got out of my system with a bad tattoo, and far too many nights listening to punk music. Anyways, I was really starting to like her company, but I wasn't sure if this should be more than friends, not cause she wasn't hot, cause she was, but I couldn't put my finger on why I subconsciouslyy knew to hold back from it becoming more... that is until today. Man, don't even think of dating a girl who's parents don't want her to date. Ipromise it is both guilt ridden and freaky, and weird and through in plenty more synonyms of that nature.
I feel bad on so many levels, but I guess I really shouldn't cause I didn't do anything wrong but wow, nothing makes you feel worse about a girl than her mom calling you a loser for dating her teenage daughter. Oh, yeah, a new low for shame... I was both shocked, hurt and dumbfounded, but most of all I thought, she must not know me, cause I ain't a loser. I'm just older. And with her help I realized too old, so as of this moment, I will not be dating, hanging out with, going to see movies with any girls who are A- not living on their own, B- are hiding me from their parents cause they think it will get them grounded, C- I'm gonna say it, I don't wanna say it, but I'm gonna say it, have parents whose religious beliefs that are somewhat unrealistic to the modern day interactions of youth and culture, (ie no dating Amish girls, Hutterites, devout devout Catholic, devout, devout Southern anything, Orthodox Jewish and unfortunately most Muslim girls). I am not against religious people, but I am scared by the folks who think that the world is inherantly bad, when I know for a fact the world is inherantly indifferent.

But weird, I couldn't get enough of talking to her mom, it reminded me soo much of watching my parents when I was young act towards the guys that dated my sister. I saw the fear they had in their eyes, like my first stop after their house with their daughter was some sex club, or biker bar, when in fact it was walking a dog and lunch.
I guess the fear in her eyes was mesmerizing, it was almost a hypnotic stare, I haven't seen that kind of conviction in someones eyes since the last suicide bombers photo in Palestine. Just there was no doubt in her beliefs, but man she had doubts about humanity, but boy is she gonna be disappointed with the next guy her daughter decides to date cause I highly doubt she'll ever even find out about it, until she is all packed up and moving away with him.
Whats really weird is that she has told me how often her dad has cheated on her mom, and it makes sense the paranoia, if you husband is out screwing every person he artificially builds a trusting relationship with then I guess it stands to reason the wife is gonna be pretty freakin untrusting of every boy she hangs out with, just because she assumes all men are as bad as the loser she decided to keep forgiving. Oh well.
Another example of people I never want to be, fearful.

Ok, I said earlier I was gonna talk about Mitch and I am. Mitch passed away a couple weeks back, and I found out late at night in my hotel room. It left me very upset, I knew Mitch very well, we met in Montreal years and years ago during the festival, I saw the show that made him break. I also toured with him early on, and it was all cool, he only seemed to be a pot head then. But I saw him change little by little, and it occured on the same curve of his fame and success, so it blended in well as a quirk, but I think I always knew it was something else.
I cried when he died, and I don't think it was for Mitch, I think it was for my confusion as what could have been done, who could have stopped him, no-one really. If I wanted to off myself, I would nobody could really stop, me, but imagine if I had a whole bunch of people around that sold me guns and rope and razors, wouldn't that be fucked up, or is it just spiritual capitalism to take advantage of that person. I wish that everyone would stand up and take issue with the system of aquaintance, and ethics that we accept without question all around us an okay reaction to other peoples problems. Mitch, I miss you and I know what a wonderful kind person you were, I felt your warmth first hand many times, and it will take alot to forgive those that enabled you, but ultimately you chose to die, and you had your reasons, and i will respect them. Good bye.

Wilmington, NC. I would say the population is about 200K. I would say about 40% is pretty hot girls, 20% average girls and 40% my competition. It is pretty cool down here, the weather is great, the golf is fantastic, the beaches are white sand with huge dunes and the water is about ten degrees warmer than the Atlantic. Which no-one has ever told me. I was hit with long term pro-pacific propaganda most of my adult life, and I am starting to realize it's BS. The Atlantic rocks. Also, the waves are surfable, the beachlife is relaxed, although a lot more "old money" is visible(big ass beach houses). But it is really nice. And did I mention the girls?
Here is something I find interesting, all this talk about being funny is soo attractive to women and how they really want to meet a smart funny guy is such bullshit. I went to the gym for three months straight and got in really good shape, I am getting more interest from girls than any joke, or witty retort has ever brought me in my life... Who invents this crap? Is it just to protect the egos of the fat unattractive funny guys(by that I mean me a year ago) or is it a suggestion that men put out for women to repeat subconsciously as there eyes glance across the beta-males. hmm thoughts.
Soo, I made out with a girl ten years younger than me. I find that freaky both mathematically and ethically. But nonetheless I will point out, she was the aggressor, as I have found out I am quite the pussy when it comes to making any first moves. And she is very firm. And by firm I mean I could bounce quarters off that ass, damn, you can forget what a great ass is like if you haven't seen one in a while. Damn. Rock hard little ball...I digress, and I must admit, she was kinda interesting. Now that surprises me to no end, as I was so prejudicial towards the idea of dating young girls as being stimulating free endeavors (and of course I mean mentally stimulating, we know the other type works fine) but I am glad I kept my mind open to the fact that perhaps regardless of age all of us have something to contribute... Oh who am I kidding she had the greatest ass I ever saw.

Wow! I think I like the south...
First off, I digress to cover a show I did in Arkansas the other night... boy was that a weird vibe. I had to follow a martial arts contortionist... actually a fat martial arts contortionist. This was just a string of the world bizarre painted before me that eve. He performed his various feets of loose limbs and high school amaze with nunchakas, closing with a bob marley tribute, now I guess I was a little scared to follow that, but hey, what the hell, free hotel room.
I actually did really well, but boy they liked it dirty. Oh and leave the WW2 references at home friends. I did however upset one patron who flipped out over some jokes I do about eplilepse, and tried to though his drink at me but sadly, so sadly didn't come close, it was actually pretty pathetic, and the crowd was really on my side so that was nice. I told everyone I would be right back, and went home:)

Later that night I got word about Mitch passing away. I am mad at so many people rigt now it's ridiculous, his wife, his management, even myself. But I guess I'm most angry with him. I will talk about him later when I feel more comfortable.

Nawlans or New Orleans. Damn you is pretty.
I did a show just south in Houma, at a comedy psuedo fest or crawfish bake what have you. It was positively wonderfull fun, the shows were great, the southern hospitaliity was beyond nice, ladies I'm lookin at you.
I got to hang out with blues great Tab Benoit at his bar, where he was blown away by my skills as a comic, and is havin me back this summer. And I gotto meet some really great and nice comics. Late one night we jammed a very funny moment with a harmonica some clapping hands and a long series of bad jokes, truly wonderful... I wonder if I'm gettin paid.

I walked all over the Big easy and checked out the French district, including the crack houses just outside and easily accessable if you take a wrong turn, I ate a Copelands, and had awful food, I almost want to cash all my old Improv checks now to punish them. I walked Bourbon Street, hey if you've got kids, leave them at home. I don't feel comfortable oogling sex shops and watching super drunk people while your kids are dancing around my feet.
All in all I love New orleans, and look forward to coming back real soon:)