Weird...Weird...Weird....
OK, so I met this other girl in Wilmington, also too young, but really cool none the less. Very pretty, very sweet but this underside of pent up youthful frustration that I so long got out of my system with a bad tattoo, and far too many nights listening to punk music. Anyways, I was really starting to like her company, but I wasn't sure if this should be more than friends, not cause she wasn't hot, cause she was, but I couldn't put my finger on why I subconsciouslyy knew to hold back from it becoming more... that is until today. Man, don't even think of dating a girl who's parents don't want her to date. Ipromise it is both guilt ridden and freaky, and weird and through in plenty more synonyms of that nature.
I feel bad on so many levels, but I guess I really shouldn't cause I didn't do anything wrong but wow, nothing makes you feel worse about a girl than her mom calling you a loser for dating her teenage daughter. Oh, yeah, a new low for shame... I was both shocked, hurt and dumbfounded, but most of all I thought, she must not know me, cause I ain't a loser. I'm just older. And with her help I realized too old, so as of this moment, I will not be dating, hanging out with, going to see movies with any girls who are A- not living on their own, B- are hiding me from their parents cause they think it will get them grounded, C- I'm gonna say it, I don't wanna say it, but I'm gonna say it, have parents whose religious beliefs that are somewhat unrealistic to the modern day interactions of youth and culture, (ie no dating Amish girls, Hutterites, devout devout Catholic, devout, devout Southern anything, Orthodox Jewish and unfortunately most Muslim girls). I am not against religious people, but I am scared by the folks who think that the world is inherantly bad, when I know for a fact the world is inherantly indifferent.
But weird, I couldn't get enough of talking to her mom, it reminded me soo much of watching my parents when I was young act towards the guys that dated my sister. I saw the fear they had in their eyes, like my first stop after their house with their daughter was some sex club, or biker bar, when in fact it was walking a dog and lunch.
I guess the fear in her eyes was mesmerizing, it was almost a hypnotic stare, I haven't seen that kind of conviction in someones eyes since the last suicide bombers photo in Palestine. Just there was no doubt in her beliefs, but man she had doubts about humanity, but boy is she gonna be disappointed with the next guy her daughter decides to date cause I highly doubt she'll ever even find out about it, until she is all packed up and moving away with him.
Whats really weird is that she has told me how often her dad has cheated on her mom, and it makes sense the paranoia, if you husband is out screwing every person he artificially builds a trusting relationship with then I guess it stands to reason the wife is gonna be pretty freakin untrusting of every boy she hangs out with, just because she assumes all men are as bad as the loser she decided to keep forgiving. Oh well.
Another example of people I never want to be, fearful.
Ok, I said earlier I was gonna talk about Mitch and I am. Mitch passed away a couple weeks back, and I found out late at night in my hotel room. It left me very upset, I knew Mitch very well, we met in Montreal years and years ago during the festival, I saw the show that made him break. I also toured with him early on, and it was all cool, he only seemed to be a pot head then. But I saw him change little by little, and it occured on the same curve of his fame and success, so it blended in well as a quirk, but I think I always knew it was something else.
I cried when he died, and I don't think it was for Mitch, I think it was for my confusion as what could have been done, who could have stopped him, no-one really. If I wanted to off myself, I would nobody could really stop, me, but imagine if I had a whole bunch of people around that sold me guns and rope and razors, wouldn't that be fucked up, or is it just spiritual capitalism to take advantage of that person. I wish that everyone would stand up and take issue with the system of aquaintance, and ethics that we accept without question all around us an okay reaction to other peoples problems. Mitch, I miss you and I know what a wonderful kind person you were, I felt your warmth first hand many times, and it will take alot to forgive those that enabled you, but ultimately you chose to die, and you had your reasons, and i will respect them. Good bye.
OK, so I met this other girl in Wilmington, also too young, but really cool none the less. Very pretty, very sweet but this underside of pent up youthful frustration that I so long got out of my system with a bad tattoo, and far too many nights listening to punk music. Anyways, I was really starting to like her company, but I wasn't sure if this should be more than friends, not cause she wasn't hot, cause she was, but I couldn't put my finger on why I subconsciouslyy knew to hold back from it becoming more... that is until today. Man, don't even think of dating a girl who's parents don't want her to date. Ipromise it is both guilt ridden and freaky, and weird and through in plenty more synonyms of that nature.
I feel bad on so many levels, but I guess I really shouldn't cause I didn't do anything wrong but wow, nothing makes you feel worse about a girl than her mom calling you a loser for dating her teenage daughter. Oh, yeah, a new low for shame... I was both shocked, hurt and dumbfounded, but most of all I thought, she must not know me, cause I ain't a loser. I'm just older. And with her help I realized too old, so as of this moment, I will not be dating, hanging out with, going to see movies with any girls who are A- not living on their own, B- are hiding me from their parents cause they think it will get them grounded, C- I'm gonna say it, I don't wanna say it, but I'm gonna say it, have parents whose religious beliefs that are somewhat unrealistic to the modern day interactions of youth and culture, (ie no dating Amish girls, Hutterites, devout devout Catholic, devout, devout Southern anything, Orthodox Jewish and unfortunately most Muslim girls). I am not against religious people, but I am scared by the folks who think that the world is inherantly bad, when I know for a fact the world is inherantly indifferent.
But weird, I couldn't get enough of talking to her mom, it reminded me soo much of watching my parents when I was young act towards the guys that dated my sister. I saw the fear they had in their eyes, like my first stop after their house with their daughter was some sex club, or biker bar, when in fact it was walking a dog and lunch.
I guess the fear in her eyes was mesmerizing, it was almost a hypnotic stare, I haven't seen that kind of conviction in someones eyes since the last suicide bombers photo in Palestine. Just there was no doubt in her beliefs, but man she had doubts about humanity, but boy is she gonna be disappointed with the next guy her daughter decides to date cause I highly doubt she'll ever even find out about it, until she is all packed up and moving away with him.
Whats really weird is that she has told me how often her dad has cheated on her mom, and it makes sense the paranoia, if you husband is out screwing every person he artificially builds a trusting relationship with then I guess it stands to reason the wife is gonna be pretty freakin untrusting of every boy she hangs out with, just because she assumes all men are as bad as the loser she decided to keep forgiving. Oh well.
Another example of people I never want to be, fearful.
Ok, I said earlier I was gonna talk about Mitch and I am. Mitch passed away a couple weeks back, and I found out late at night in my hotel room. It left me very upset, I knew Mitch very well, we met in Montreal years and years ago during the festival, I saw the show that made him break. I also toured with him early on, and it was all cool, he only seemed to be a pot head then. But I saw him change little by little, and it occured on the same curve of his fame and success, so it blended in well as a quirk, but I think I always knew it was something else.
I cried when he died, and I don't think it was for Mitch, I think it was for my confusion as what could have been done, who could have stopped him, no-one really. If I wanted to off myself, I would nobody could really stop, me, but imagine if I had a whole bunch of people around that sold me guns and rope and razors, wouldn't that be fucked up, or is it just spiritual capitalism to take advantage of that person. I wish that everyone would stand up and take issue with the system of aquaintance, and ethics that we accept without question all around us an okay reaction to other peoples problems. Mitch, I miss you and I know what a wonderful kind person you were, I felt your warmth first hand many times, and it will take alot to forgive those that enabled you, but ultimately you chose to die, and you had your reasons, and i will respect them. Good bye.
posted by escarius at
2:06 PM
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