No Sex and No Beer make me something, something...

Go crazy?

Don't mind if I do!

Man do I want to masturbate. Seriously I can't hardly take it, I thought this forced celibacy would make me productive and focused but in fact it has made my brain really pay attention to the pressure building up in my 'testicles'. That's right I went medical, you can't stop me...

I have been feeling a little down, I think it's cause I haven't performed, or maybe it's lack of sex, or maybe it's cause I got a steel hoop placed through the head of my penis, I mean whose to know really. But I keep thinking I might be a little bit of a loser.

I understand Self Esteem issues are rampant in society, and I am not alone with fluctuations of self worth, but I got offered a middle week the other day... This depressed me.

I couldn't accept it cause I was already booked(headlining another club), but that always fucks with my head... I soo want to shout back at the person, really? How many middles do you have with thirteen Stand up appearances on TV? How many middles do you have that have starred in a movie, toured in twelve countries, had four TV development deals, sold a show he created, was the first comic to do both Aspen and Just for Laughs in one year, and four additional appearances at the JFL including two Galas? How many middles do you have that have been doing comedy for fifteen years, have two hours of material, kill everywhere (except Birmingham), and are as easy on the eyes as this lanky doll? ... But of course I don't. I humbly put my head down and think geez I must suck. I am a complete and utter loser, my successes are all just flukes, I don't deserve any of them, and this person is right I should be grateful I even get offered this measly morsel. After all, I wasn't on last comic standing or anything...

So, I know all this is just in my head. And I would have taken that week if I wasn't booked. Why? Cause I love to perform. I wonder if that is a liability, I wonder if I could sacrifice that love for leverage....

OK I JUST LOST THE REST OF THIS POST CAUSE BLOGGER SUCKS BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dammit, it was funny and poinient, GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!

Ok, I will continue, the gist of my last post was, that I decided I needed a gimmick, and I explored all the gimmicks in comedy that launched average comics to the top focusing heavily on comics named Richard who suck. (Lewis, Jeni, Belzer not Pryor).

Then I put up a picture of Carrot Top and tried out some of my possibilities...

Pete & She-Pete, I open for myself in drag but don't do very well and leave the real me to cover my time and win the crowd back.

Pizza Pete, I make take and bake Pizza's to order in an Italian accent while telling jokes.

That Fire'Cracker' comic, I focus mainly on black crowds and everytime I call myself a cracker, off go pyrotechnics.

Rabbi Pete, the christian named sage of Yiddish humor.

Dixie Pete, my act in a southern drawl and no more references to Wittgenstein or Schopenhauer.

But finally I have decided on The Church Of Pete. All my adult life my friends have always talked about the strange sense I make when they get to know me, and how what seems crazy is actually really kinds cool. So I am going to be me, my humor, my taste, with no apologies... And it's gonna be marketed as The Church Of Pete. I like it.

Sincerely,

'leader bean'