Hmm. I have quite a bit to catch up with.
Well Lets begin with Afghanistan. After my last post, I was on my way to Afghanistan.
A fascinating place. I arrived late at night in a hot August starry sky. There is little to let you know you are in a war zone when you land at night, with the exception of the spiral 4 g landing of your C-17 transport plane and the red lights of the cabin. And the "hurry up and get off the tarmac." orders, oh and the "you're in a war zone!" briefing. But other than that it could be Tempe.
We rested in Bagram (the airfield not the fun park) for two hours, met an MP who was shot in the neck the previous week in Kabul, and discovered we had only one set of ceramic armor plates, but they were in my vest not Grahams. No helmets though. I like helmets, but there were none. We left at sunrise for Solarno FOB which means firebase, which means something about armed conflict. We traveled by Blackhawk Helicopter, which dollar for dollar the best way to travel, in my civilian opinion. And we shot somebody on the way out. Yeah with a machine gun, yeah, he violated the rules of engagement and we protected ourselves, oh well. Solarno was kinda icky, but it was exciting as it was my first base, lots of very nice soldiers and really nice people stuck ina war. We did two shows, the second was an accident because we missed our chopper out in the am, and the exact same crowd showed up the second night as well so I really had to stretch, but a great time. PS Special Forces guys don't laugh very easy.
We then visited a couple other bases, one I forget the name of was way up in the mountains with some locals that we met. Also there was Quandihar that was a blast, then camp turendot in the middle of hell, a half foot of talcum dust and no roofs on the tents, but I got to drive some atv's and operate a bomb disposal robot. We then choppered back with a CIA operative to Quandihar and he was really really quiet. The show in Quandihar was great! The Massage from a Kygistani woman was awful. I am not blaming Kyrgistan, and I am not blaming Quandihar, but common, you cannot smoke and give a massage. We then flew back up to Bagram in a c-something I think it was called the flying sauna, very almost barffy flight. Day off. Hmm what do you do on a day off in Afghanistan? I suggest finding a very private place (as there are none) and masturbating for as long as you can...
We left on our scariest journey the following day to Camp phoenix in Kabul, traveling by unmarked truck to Kabul was terrifying. But exciting as well, the show at the Camp was great! And I could have gotten some action from a fairly hot LT. (female...Thank you) but felt it was a bad idea, you know it being a court marshalling offence, and me being engaged an all... Then we were back in Bagram, went to an exciting bazaar where I could have bought any films I ever wanted freshly bootlegged in the middle of nowhere.With no late fees.
Our final day, I had tea with a translator, we had mint tea and almonds and he explained the long time strife in this part of the world. A touching and very interesting story, he was an amazing man volunteering his time and effort in order to make his homeland better. Anyways we had a show that night in an abandoned hangar and it was a nice way to close out the week.
We flew home in a C-17 at 4 in the am, and had a long and distressing flightback to Germany. PS US Air Sucks more than Military Transport!!
Spent an extra night in Germany and got home, with my trinkets.. a steel bikini, burka, and lots of Tshirts....
This is of course a brief synopsis, and not as funny as my usual writing, but as I have established by now, I am lazy:) Luv me.
Well Lets begin with Afghanistan. After my last post, I was on my way to Afghanistan.
A fascinating place. I arrived late at night in a hot August starry sky. There is little to let you know you are in a war zone when you land at night, with the exception of the spiral 4 g landing of your C-17 transport plane and the red lights of the cabin. And the "hurry up and get off the tarmac." orders, oh and the "you're in a war zone!" briefing. But other than that it could be Tempe.
We rested in Bagram (the airfield not the fun park) for two hours, met an MP who was shot in the neck the previous week in Kabul, and discovered we had only one set of ceramic armor plates, but they were in my vest not Grahams. No helmets though. I like helmets, but there were none. We left at sunrise for Solarno FOB which means firebase, which means something about armed conflict. We traveled by Blackhawk Helicopter, which dollar for dollar the best way to travel, in my civilian opinion. And we shot somebody on the way out. Yeah with a machine gun, yeah, he violated the rules of engagement and we protected ourselves, oh well. Solarno was kinda icky, but it was exciting as it was my first base, lots of very nice soldiers and really nice people stuck ina war. We did two shows, the second was an accident because we missed our chopper out in the am, and the exact same crowd showed up the second night as well so I really had to stretch, but a great time. PS Special Forces guys don't laugh very easy.
We then visited a couple other bases, one I forget the name of was way up in the mountains with some locals that we met. Also there was Quandihar that was a blast, then camp turendot in the middle of hell, a half foot of talcum dust and no roofs on the tents, but I got to drive some atv's and operate a bomb disposal robot. We then choppered back with a CIA operative to Quandihar and he was really really quiet. The show in Quandihar was great! The Massage from a Kygistani woman was awful. I am not blaming Kyrgistan, and I am not blaming Quandihar, but common, you cannot smoke and give a massage. We then flew back up to Bagram in a c-something I think it was called the flying sauna, very almost barffy flight. Day off. Hmm what do you do on a day off in Afghanistan? I suggest finding a very private place (as there are none) and masturbating for as long as you can...
We left on our scariest journey the following day to Camp phoenix in Kabul, traveling by unmarked truck to Kabul was terrifying. But exciting as well, the show at the Camp was great! And I could have gotten some action from a fairly hot LT. (female...Thank you) but felt it was a bad idea, you know it being a court marshalling offence, and me being engaged an all... Then we were back in Bagram, went to an exciting bazaar where I could have bought any films I ever wanted freshly bootlegged in the middle of nowhere.With no late fees.
Our final day, I had tea with a translator, we had mint tea and almonds and he explained the long time strife in this part of the world. A touching and very interesting story, he was an amazing man volunteering his time and effort in order to make his homeland better. Anyways we had a show that night in an abandoned hangar and it was a nice way to close out the week.
We flew home in a C-17 at 4 in the am, and had a long and distressing flightback to Germany. PS US Air Sucks more than Military Transport!!
Spent an extra night in Germany and got home, with my trinkets.. a steel bikini, burka, and lots of Tshirts....
This is of course a brief synopsis, and not as funny as my usual writing, but as I have established by now, I am lazy:) Luv me.
posted by escarius at
4:08 PM
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