My piercing increases the intensity of my orgasms...
Wow that's a headline you don't see alot of. But I am now seeing the benefits of putting a piece of metal through my penis, it really feels amazing when you come! I'm not kidding it stimulates something inside the head and it's like a tickle that gets really intense then...surprise! That happened alot faster than planned... I think this baby might actually make me orgasm in a more normal(not that there is a 'normal' per se, as health professionals will tell you, we are all normal) time frame. I should probably explain... One thing I have never, ever had a problem with is lasting. That my ex's can all attest to. I last until my physical fitness limits my activities, not my orgasm. In fact I have always wished I could pop off quicker, which is something I bet you don't hear alot of guys saying, but it's true. I think this little baby might do the trick! Course I'm still a week or so away from being able to test it out with someone, but I'm looking forward to it...
OK.
I am starting to write the Liturgy for my Cult (Oh yeah, I'm starting a cult!). I am going to loosely base it on Confucism so that you can maintain your old religion while still being a part of mine. I am going to include a reading list to join my cult as well. That might limit membership, but I think it will make my obscure jokes get better laughs inside the demographic. So far the list is; Pamela Anderson's Biography, Bertrand Russell's 'Why I am not a Christian', The Worlds best Dirty Jokes Volume I through XXII, The movie SuperTroopers, The Book of Rumi, Chomsky's Thought Control In Democratic Societies, The articles in the last 3 years of Hustler magazine, Watch the movie 'Somewhere in Time' and cry, watch the movie 'The Life of David Gale' and laugh, The inscription on the mermaid statue in Copenhagen, Denmark, The writings of Thomas Jefferson and James Madison, Marx's Communist Manifesto, at least three books of Dostoevsky (one which must be The Idiot), David Sedaris 'Me talk Pretty', All bumper Stickers on Olds 88's, one book by Bill O'reilly (not the one for kids), Listen to Rush Limbaugh twice a month, Listen to AL Franken once a Month, listen to BBC news four times a month, Love Line 6 times a month(pay particular attention to Adam Corrollas views on the general intelligence of society), listen to Art Bell 8 times a month, any and all pamphlet's handed out by Jehovah's, Hari Krishna's, Kabbalahists, Scientologist's, and Pat Robertson, highlighting all the stuff that reads as simple as a horoscope giving dime store advice, then realize I'm gonna do the same thing, but make it funny in a wrong way.
Thats the start, I will add more, but my cult will not make you happy, it will make you laugh harder, and more satisfyingly, but it will also make you cry harder, and more satisfyingly. Keep this in mind before you join. Oh, yeah, and we swing... leader first.
Back to me.
I went out last night to a bar full of college kids, it just sucked. I have no game with the girls right now, and I can't figure out why? I was doing so well a couple of weeks ago, but now girls will not, I repeat will not make any eye contact with me! I don't get it! If by accident they do look at me, it is with complete dead eyes that skim over my faintly white glowing shell as though I am a mist of ugly squirted in the air to add contrast to the rest of the room. It's killin me this roller coaster of Self esteem I'm on... I swear it has taken me literally years to mildly feel good about my appearance, and everytime I go out I feel like an oozing boil from the looks girls give me. I dress well, maybe too well, but never ever ostentatious. I am pretty good shape, but I am thinking not good enough.. And I don't know which way to improve? More toned and lean or more muscular? As far as I can tell, any body type other than mine, gets ladies... but if you are looking to become some sort of nightclub robber, I have the right physique, lets call it 'obscurity sized'. I could walk through any nightclub full of attractive people and one by one hold up the entire crowd, and no one would notice me. I would become wealthy, but anonymous...
Also, while I'm complaining, I absolutely love that super long pause that college girls give me when I make a joke! I can't tell if the pause is, "Fuck you!" or "fuck you" or "why are you talking to me, fuck you" or "that's stupid, and you shouldn't make fun of girls missing in Aruba, it's a crisis! fuck you". I swear there is nothing that impresses college age women, except cuteness. Charm... nope, Money...nope daddy has lot's of that, Sophistication...huh?, Humor?... anythings funny if a hottie says it, nothings funny...is a blog by pete johansson...
I hate myself, this Cult leader is going to be so needing positive re-enforcement. "you're a pretty cult leader, and funny too!" "Ooohm", "Your physique is pleasing to the eye leader, please tell me your feelings on the evolution of world economics being driven by the Neo-con's and where it will ultimately lead us if your church doesn't change things", "Nice ass Leader!(thwap!)".... practice my peaches... petej
Wow that's a headline you don't see alot of. But I am now seeing the benefits of putting a piece of metal through my penis, it really feels amazing when you come! I'm not kidding it stimulates something inside the head and it's like a tickle that gets really intense then...surprise! That happened alot faster than planned... I think this baby might actually make me orgasm in a more normal(not that there is a 'normal' per se, as health professionals will tell you, we are all normal) time frame. I should probably explain... One thing I have never, ever had a problem with is lasting. That my ex's can all attest to. I last until my physical fitness limits my activities, not my orgasm. In fact I have always wished I could pop off quicker, which is something I bet you don't hear alot of guys saying, but it's true. I think this little baby might do the trick! Course I'm still a week or so away from being able to test it out with someone, but I'm looking forward to it...
OK.
I am starting to write the Liturgy for my Cult (Oh yeah, I'm starting a cult!). I am going to loosely base it on Confucism so that you can maintain your old religion while still being a part of mine. I am going to include a reading list to join my cult as well. That might limit membership, but I think it will make my obscure jokes get better laughs inside the demographic. So far the list is; Pamela Anderson's Biography, Bertrand Russell's 'Why I am not a Christian', The Worlds best Dirty Jokes Volume I through XXII, The movie SuperTroopers, The Book of Rumi, Chomsky's Thought Control In Democratic Societies, The articles in the last 3 years of Hustler magazine, Watch the movie 'Somewhere in Time' and cry, watch the movie 'The Life of David Gale' and laugh, The inscription on the mermaid statue in Copenhagen, Denmark, The writings of Thomas Jefferson and James Madison, Marx's Communist Manifesto, at least three books of Dostoevsky (one which must be The Idiot), David Sedaris 'Me talk Pretty', All bumper Stickers on Olds 88's, one book by Bill O'reilly (not the one for kids), Listen to Rush Limbaugh twice a month, Listen to AL Franken once a Month, listen to BBC news four times a month, Love Line 6 times a month(pay particular attention to Adam Corrollas views on the general intelligence of society), listen to Art Bell 8 times a month, any and all pamphlet's handed out by Jehovah's, Hari Krishna's, Kabbalahists, Scientologist's, and Pat Robertson, highlighting all the stuff that reads as simple as a horoscope giving dime store advice, then realize I'm gonna do the same thing, but make it funny in a wrong way.
Thats the start, I will add more, but my cult will not make you happy, it will make you laugh harder, and more satisfyingly, but it will also make you cry harder, and more satisfyingly. Keep this in mind before you join. Oh, yeah, and we swing... leader first.
Back to me.
I went out last night to a bar full of college kids, it just sucked. I have no game with the girls right now, and I can't figure out why? I was doing so well a couple of weeks ago, but now girls will not, I repeat will not make any eye contact with me! I don't get it! If by accident they do look at me, it is with complete dead eyes that skim over my faintly white glowing shell as though I am a mist of ugly squirted in the air to add contrast to the rest of the room. It's killin me this roller coaster of Self esteem I'm on... I swear it has taken me literally years to mildly feel good about my appearance, and everytime I go out I feel like an oozing boil from the looks girls give me. I dress well, maybe too well, but never ever ostentatious. I am pretty good shape, but I am thinking not good enough.. And I don't know which way to improve? More toned and lean or more muscular? As far as I can tell, any body type other than mine, gets ladies... but if you are looking to become some sort of nightclub robber, I have the right physique, lets call it 'obscurity sized'. I could walk through any nightclub full of attractive people and one by one hold up the entire crowd, and no one would notice me. I would become wealthy, but anonymous...
Also, while I'm complaining, I absolutely love that super long pause that college girls give me when I make a joke! I can't tell if the pause is, "Fuck you!" or "fuck you" or "why are you talking to me, fuck you" or "that's stupid, and you shouldn't make fun of girls missing in Aruba, it's a crisis! fuck you". I swear there is nothing that impresses college age women, except cuteness. Charm... nope, Money...nope daddy has lot's of that, Sophistication...huh?, Humor?... anythings funny if a hottie says it, nothings funny...is a blog by pete johansson...
I hate myself, this Cult leader is going to be so needing positive re-enforcement. "you're a pretty cult leader, and funny too!" "Ooohm", "Your physique is pleasing to the eye leader, please tell me your feelings on the evolution of world economics being driven by the Neo-con's and where it will ultimately lead us if your church doesn't change things", "Nice ass Leader!(thwap!)".... practice my peaches... petej
posted by escarius at
11:37 AM
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