Fat kids should not get Frappacinos

I don't like taking any overt political stances, but if any party outlawed caffeinated milkshakes for fat kids, I would be very tempted to rethink my politics is useless belief.

Starbucks, who all of you who know me, know I support with a roughly 2500 dollar a year habit, continues to profit on school kids who flood the doors of their stores post school, and pre-video game play for a 850 calorie booster shot on a Dailey basis. This irks me to know end. First I'm not a huge fan of other peoples kids, I don't really believe they are so much "our future" as they are "their future", so my concern for them is limited. But I am a great fan of aesthetics, and I hate to be the one that says it, but American kids are fat and ugly.
Yep they are like little Americans, chubby, self centered and devoid of consideration for all others that grace this earth. So partly as punishment, partly as a national beautification process, and all masked as a concern for child health, Starbucks should outlaw Frappacinos, for kids. (implicitly fat ones, but why make them cry)
I would love Starbucks forever, I would voluntarily show up to tell the kids if they were to shy to do it. And I'd pay a dime more per cup to see them employ such a measure....

So please lets make this great country better, and bring it back to its glory of having just one or two funny fat kids that thin kids could make fun of, and stop the plumping up of our children (actually your children, if I have any my babies momma has not told me yet).

It's kinda like the witch in Hansel and Gretel is an evil alien who invented the frappacino, and in a Left Behind like conspiracy will snatch them all when they are ready to harvest for an intergalactic feast... So if you believe in crazy conspiracies...Save Fat Children from wicked witch like extraterrestrial, and stop kids from having Frappacinos.

Do it for the Children!

Burp.